Downer McClelland Debate

Downer: Labor are soft on people smuggling. Our bilateral trade agreements are awesome [not really]. We need to fight poverty in our regions (by not increasing the proportion of GDP as aid). Tries to take credit for drop in east Asian poverty. starts bashing Rudd. Keeps bashing Rudd. Labor hates developing countries and wants to plunge them into poverty. Nonsense about Peter Garrett was right. [muffled laughter from audience at Downer]. Claims Labor loves Bali bombers. [hahahaha], claims Iraq is improving. His voice breaks as he lies and cherry picks ridiculous statistics. We are winning the war on turr. Labor criticise us for being too tough. Claims we are a leader on climate change [hahaha god the man's a laugh a minute]. More rubbish [seriously, do they think they can just keep repeating things and they'll become true?]. Claims that giving the Indonesian govt. a pot of money will stop deforestation [haha]. Claims his foreign policy is built on Australian interests [oh, like aw?]. Blah blah, Labor inexperience, not only do the libs have special magic fairy dust to keep the economy growing they have magic dust to keep the terrorist at bay.

McClelland: Foreign policy has been bipartisan in the past. The first thing they did was stop being a good international citizen. We've lost our reputation, that's bad. Failed to ratify Kyoto, they've made us international pariahs. National security? Invading Iraq made us less safe. A better mate keeps his mates out of stupid fights. No WMD, a little wise counsel could have prevented this. 600,000 dead, 4 million displaced for Downer's “success”. Iraq is a terrorism hotbed. They knew it was going to increase terrorism (Csgrove and Keelty). What happened to months instead of years? They never had a plan for the mission. WMD to democracy, to protecting the Japanese, to oil to everything else. We're the only govt. that doesn't have a plan. Busts out AWB! 300 million had been paid by the AWB to Saddam right when our troops were risking their lives in the gulf. Downer was the minister responsible and is to blame for rorting sanctions. Downer claims he didn't know anything. We were Saddam's biggest bribers, no one has been held accountable. Frazer said awb wouldn't have happened on his watch because there was ministerial accountability.Iif Labor is elected we'll make sure we have our own voice and we'll focus on our region.

Sandra O'Malley AAP: Downer, you talked about international relationships? Will you stay on longer than you have?

Downer: I've been around for a long time... blathers on. Claims McCelland has no vision, says he has exciting visions for the future [who shall I bribe next?]

McClelland: Leadership speculation.

Brendan Nicholson, Age: Downer, when you've talked about Iraq you say, whatever you might think of our decision to go in, do you have any personal regrets? if you had to do it over again, would you? McClelland, I'm too dumb to realise you plan on removing only combat troops, please explain.

Downer: it was all about removing Saddam, things in iraq are wonderful! That's why I have to visit secretly! Invading Iraq was an awesome idea, everyone should get behind the US!

McClelland: Iraq has been a massive disaster, humanitarian, strategic, made terrorists bolder etc. Total clusterfuck. We're withdrawing our combat troops. We'll be keeping transport stuff, aricraft and ships.

Jeff barkers fin rev: A whole bunch of people argued for the elimination of nukes. Downer, you got rid of Labor's Canberra Commission initiative to get rid of nukes. You're a lot of talk about ending nukes but you sell uranium to non-NPT nations.

Downer bitches about not getting a turn previously. He did but he's a whiny little so and so. his thin, reedy wails continue till the moderator tells he had his turn.

Downer: Waffles and lies. We didn't get rid of the Canberra commission, we ignored it. More nonsense about the nuclear test ban treaty, violated by France, Pakistan and India. [Downer rejects your reality and substitutes his own]. We can't tell our best friends to talk about getting rid of nukes, [Despite saying that we could use our influence in his opening speech].

McClelland: we should be trying to ban nukes.

Graham Develle? Australian: Fiji, Solomons, PNG all basket cases. what are you going to about it?

Mclelland: The govt.'s tried but they haven't been able to develop ministerial level relationships. No one in our region likes us. We should stop reacting and sit down and develop progressive solutions with them. We have a partnership centre so we can cooperate.

Downer: Those Polys only respect power! You don't want to look weak or the nig nogs will walk all over you. Claims that he's proud he's pissed off all our neighbours because you have to teach them what's what. [I can't see how patronising ,states fiji has a 'coup culture', our neighbours hasn't worked]. He wrote Somare a letter [wow]. You need to bash these people around. [the man is a policy disaster area, South Australians should be even more ashamed of themselves].

unknown: What are acceptable means for interrogating terrorist suspects? Torture?

Downer: We have our own standards, [yes, ask David Hicks]. Blah blah, [ignores the fact that we keep handing them over to be tortured]. We're better than the terrorists. so long as we aren't sawing people's heads off on tv, we're the good guys.

McClelland: All torture does is create recruits. Even the Israeli supreme court ruled it illegal. Terrorists can only kill and destroy, only we can destroy our countries.

Unknown: Downer, you said you can speak French. Please speak some [hahahahaha] [laughter].

Downer: I can't speak French, ducks and weaves. He obviously can't speak a word of the language. Oh my god, what a wanker. He's twisting himself into knots. This is hilarious! claims he doesn't want to show off and impress us with his leet Francais SKILLZ. says [couldn't hear, double checked on video] "it's true if you speak French but I'm the minister for foreign affairs in Australia and he must speak French if you are Australian". [I knew it. You'd get thrown out of my standard 6 French class for something like that. And the pronounciation! Tourist French. It's an insight into how much of a pompous, self inflated, bumptious arse Downer is that he feels he can hold a candle to someone who can actually speak a language fluently while he is barely at schoolboy level] Everyone claps because they have no idea what he said, least of all Downer. His knowledge of the French language could be written on a very small matchbox.

McClelland: Europe is important.

unknown: will you accept Vietnam was a mistake? do you also agree in Iraq and 'nam intelligence was doctored. Since you dodged the previous question, would you do Iraq over again?

Downer: I did answer the question. I thought Iraq was the right decision. I'd kill all those people all over again. if Saddam had reestablished his doom nuke he could have strapped it to Godzilla and used it to threaten the world. Vietnam, dodges the question. The Liberals, we'd probably still be in Vietnam now.

McClelland: even the secdef in the US has said Iraq is a mistake. Hans Blix wanted a few more weeks to possibly save millions of lives. Iraq has been a disaster. thinks we have a right to mid-east oil.

unknown: [keep yelling at the radio]. You've lost interest in our region thanks to Iraq. McClelland, will we have a more independent foreign policy?

McClelland: Iraq has been a distraction. What about turr in the Philippines? most of al'Qaeda is in our region. We aim to be an independent voice for Australia. it'll be a partnership between equals.

downer: I'm always talking about Asia. we've given lots of money to Indonesia [that's part of the problem]. Claims there's been less turr in Asia [wha??]. Boring waffle.

closing:

McClelland: We'll reflect the values of the Australian people [please don't, i'm not interested in eternal war every time someone gets pick pocketed in Bali]. we'll do Kyoto and get rid of nukes, blah blah climate change. blah blah, we love America.

Downer: Everything's fine. Only we have the magic fairy dust that keeps everything fine. we'll tell you when it's safe to change. Booga booga union bosses. Begs voters to 'keep the team'.

Well that was painful. South Australia, fuck you. Stop voting in half-witted Downers. Please god, tell me he'll be retiring. and McClelland is even more boring than Stephen Smith. Are Labor really serious about foreign policy if they have a piece of beige linoleum tile as spokesman? I mean I know the Liberals just need someone to hold Bush's cheeks open for our dear leader but I was hoping for better from Labor. 0 points. I hope you ingrates appreciate that I'll never get that hour back. (If someone has some information about McClelland that'll really wow me, please let me know).

Gillard Hockey Debate

This was on the radio so no one will report it I suspect.

Joe hockey: Redux of every government lie about Workchoices. Did you know you can better manage work and family when your employer forces you onto an AWA without awards and conditions? Me either. booga booga union bosses. Right balance, your interests are best served by being screwed.

Julia Gillard: Hockey's got a fear campaign. It's all lies. “Our fear campaign is based on fact.” comment. [pretty much everything except the punctuation in Hockey's statement was a lie- it was extraordinary]. Points out the government had no mandate for Workchoices and they spent a lot of money on advertising. Tells you everything you already know about Workchoices. 44% of AWAs remove all the award conditions supposed guaranteed by law. Mentions how women are worse off under Workcoices. Plan to extend it to essential services like allied health [my ass just clenched reflexively, that's my field!]. Blows economic 'arguments' for Workchoices out of the water. points out costs of compliance for business (who stupidly don't realise this). Labor's policy (Forward with Ponies and Cake) will be totally awesome. You know the drill. Selling out to big business while selling out to labor as opposed to just selling out to big business, it's an improvement. Says they'll keep right of entry for unions.

Sue Dunleavy Daily Torygraph: You'll be the first woman to run the country if Ruddy dies. How does this make you feel? Answer for your sex. Also both of you, women being paid less sucks, please explain.

Julia: Yay women! Only 25% of house of reps members are women. There should be more of them. Plays coy about being deputy PM. I'm concerned the gender gap has opened up so much. Retail and hospitality sector are really being screwed. Aussie women are $87 a week worse off.

Joe: I'm obviously not a woman. We've delivered more women in senior positions than any other govt. We are a modern party and govt. The gap has narrowed between men and women. It's womens' fault that they can't mine things and so get paid less.

Australian dude: Joe promises to resign if they make Workchoices worse. Will you promise to do the same if you don't roll back Workchoices?

Julia: Yes. [promises]

Joe: Peter Garrett said they'd change everything! He wasn't joking despite what the other witness to the conversation said!

Karen Middleton: Julia's stats, are they right or wrong? If they're wrong, why are you hiding your stats? Julia can you guarantee that all the people on AWAs will be better off under you?

Joe: [Lies. Same old lies. Dodges question]. Implies everyone is better off. Claims they've released data [truth being he's refused to release data- so make that another lie]. The data says that people who earn lots are better off under Workchoices, same as before. Hilariously resurrects trickle down theory. High earners will earn shitloads and you on your AWA will get some crumbs because it'll 'trickle down' to you, presumably while you're panhandling for change at the mall.

Julia: Joe hid all the data. Wouldn't tell us about actual wages. Why did he hide the data? Because it was crap that's why. [Was that a Rudd rhetorical question? Yes it was.] I can guarantee that our system won't work to disadvantage your working conditions in the same job.

Geoff Parry Channel Seven: Julia, Rudd is a me too leader, defend him!

Julia: Liberal leadership speculation. booga booga!

Joe: Me too Rudd! Tries l-plate Latham Rudd [R-Plate Rudd? Get him for speaking 'Asian' too!]. Who will they copy when we're gone? (I know Joe, I know. That's what we're hoping).

Mark Davis SMH: Unemployment. 3% unemployment is silly seeing as how we're pretty much at full employment. How will you guarantee inflation will stay low then?

Joe: We're after dole bludgers. Australia is running out of workers. Every last dole bludger should be working. Claims that a bricklayer straight out of apprenticeship is earning $75,000 a year in Rockhampton [ROCKHAMPTON! Looks like I wasted my time in uni] imagine if he lived in Launceston. Claims that interest rates will be low under the Libs again. [Muffled laughter as Joe charges the machine guns of reality armed with a spoon].

Julia: Failed promise on interest rates. Don't believe them. They lied about work participation. We're about skills and childcare. It's impossible for wages in rocky to affect wages in Launceston. We don't make irresponsible promises.

Steve Lewis, Govt. Gazette: South of your electorate a farmer is being rolled. Seeing as how the proportion of farmers in the population Is even smaller than that of union members, shouldn't you artificially inflate the number of farmers in your team? Also why don't you have any former models? Also is there anyone in the Labor party who ran a business?

Julia: Yes. I ran a business. Duh. Pre-selections are contests. Look at NSW Liberal contests. We have lots of diversity.

joe: We are diverse [laughter] Booga booga union bosses.

Ben Packham, Herald Sun: Joe and the PM say there won't be any more Workchoices changes. Yet you keep saying there will be. How can you guarantee workers won't be screwed. Labor will do a similar thing. How can you guarantee union bosses won't interfere in award setting?

Joe: I have no idea what I'm talking about so I'll use some buzzwords. Howard has given a commitment[!] That you won't be worse off! We want people to earn more money [except for when we say they're earning too much]. Trust us.

Julia: He's just blown a hole in his own argument. If I said I was going to consult the ACTU I'd hear booga booga union bossess. Joe just said that. We'll be hands off. It'll be an open and transparent process. Everyone can come to our party, not just big business.

Nick Butterly: Joe Mcdonald booga booga he'll be back.

Julia: I don't want to say anything about court proceedings. WTF do you mean, he'll be back? [he's a robotic union boss from the future, Julia!]

Joe: Booga booga union bosses. [wrote that before he spoke, wasn't disappointed]

Stephen Scott fin review: Wage pressure, should AWAs be used to crush wages? [yours firsStephen!]. Julia, some silly big business organisations have opposed your might. That was shortsighted. Do you wish to drive them before you and hear the lamentation of their women?

Joe: Yes we should screw wages over. Pulls out some dodgy stats debunked months ago.

Julia: Joe just shot himself in the foot again. The government is still hiding stats! We will let those big business guys who tried to fuck us back to the table. Sort of. We'll have a business advisory group [heh heh, clever].

Kate Hanen, Canberra Times: If Howard comes back will you get rid of the industrial relations commission? Julia will you put them in your Fair Work Australia.

Julia: We'll have some judge dude to run fair work Australia. We'll have an independent appointments system to fair work Australia. It'll even include the opposition [!].

Joe: You can't trust the Labor party booga booga union bosses.

summing up:

Joe: I'm gonna finish on a positive note! All my friends lost their jobs because of Paul Keating! when I was in a student union. Booga booga union bosses. Asks us to trade in work rights to have a job.

Julia: Holds up Howard's policy brief at the last election. They didn't take Workchoices to the last election. They've really screwed the pooch. On all levels, and they don't understand why people have turned against them. It's because they tried to ram through Workchoices. They'll try and ram it through again if they're reelected.

fin

The worm is a dirty Commie! Get him!

THE secret is out: the Nine Network's worm is a left-leaning university student, or maybe a bored left-wing pensioner, prepared to work for $30 a day.

GG

According to "young conservative" Michael McLaren who attended the Swan-Costello "debate" on Tuesday the worm is a lefty. Don't believe him? Well, let us look at the evidence that the Government Gazette presents us:



(crickets)



Yep, got me convinced.


(h/t LP)

Roxon Abbott Debate

No worm. Boo!

Mr Abbott was due to arrive for a 12.30pm debate with Ms Roxon, but arrived at 1.05pm, about 20 minutes after the debate commenced.

The minister was travelling to the national capital from Melbourne, where he made a major health announcement with Prime Minister John Howard.

The event went ahead anyway and Ms Roxon, given the right to speak first, was visibly angry.

Roxon: (not 'visibly angry' at all- in fact looking rather pleased about this golden opportunity to put the boot into Abbott) Makes cracks about having to debate herself. Lays into abbot for not turning up. Whack whack whack. [Let's hope tony is delivering a baby on a freeway somewhere rather than expecting the debate to wait for him while he makes pompous 'policy' announcements in Melbourne.] We have big challenges to face blah blah, blame game. Relates state-fed health situation to a bad marriage. Mentions aboriginal children, next generation etc. Mentions preventive health and cracks about picking a hospital in a marginal electorate... We're gonna take responsibility, and invest heavily, [maybe there might be a pay rise for speech pathologists... what? what? the fuck you lookin' at?], talks about nursing etc blah blah. Talks about her and Rudd revealing a plan to have hospital report cards later today. Says Abbott has always been against health reform (unless it's taking us back to the 14th century and forced childbirth). Talks about the piecemeal political quick-fix tactics under Abbott. Talks about how Abbott attacked Bernie Banton (nice one, Tony). Mentions how the Federal government are underfunding the states. (Roxon takes her time, not having anyone to debate... rousing applause at the end).

[There's still no one to debate. Roxon takes questions].

Danielle Cronin Canberra Times: Is labor going to run out of money to pay for hospitals?

Roxon: The $2 billion plan is a long term commitment and we'll invest more. Will prioritise health negotiations and have actually put up money to fund them, unlike the government.

Abbott: (still hasn't bothered to show up)

Mark something, smh: (Noting his question was intended for Tony Abbott, but Roxon may as well have a go at it anyway) Talks about how the Medicare safety net tends to benefit rich people.

Roxon: Good crack about being able to do an impersonation of Tony Abbott to answer the question- it's quite good apparently. Talks up private sector, looks like she's committed to propping up the parasitic private sector with taxpayer money. Talks about improving bulk billing etc and making Medicare better available.

Laura Tingle, Financial Review: Go through how the healthcare agreement negotiations will proceed given how you're gonna work with the states but reserve the right to act like the government if they don't play ball?

Roxon: Talks about targets and how the commission will help determine targets. Will start talking to the state health ministers the day after the election. Points out how Abbott couldn't be bothered to do the same in a timely fashion.

Jane Bunts (AAP?): The govt. has spent more than you, what are you giving voters?

Roxon: It's not all about money, no point pouring billions into stupid, pointless schemes. Points out how they've spent millions on unspendable, non working dental intervention schemes in the Northern Territory, under which not a single person aged under 25 has received treatment.

Announcer: (appoints Roxon acting health minister).

Hedley Thomas, The Australian: We had promises to cut waiting lists from the State government in Queensland. That caused the Bundaberg hospital scandal. How will you avoid this happening again?

roxon: we can do more than one thing at once we're increasing pay for nurses, incentives and investing properly. thus i'm not worried about elective surgery. we're working with
?: you've talked about ending the blame game. the nsw govt. has fucked up health etc. you haven't put back all the funding the govt. took out. why should we risk “wall to wall labor”?

Roxon: We've promised to increase the Federal contribution to the health system. It's a country-wide problem and it's the government not taking an active role in health. We have a plan to take over hospitals if they don't work, so don't worry.

(Abbott waltzes in. People clap for some odd reason.)

Abbott makes his opening statement, 20 minutes into the 'debate'.

Abbot: (Feigns contrition) Thanks for being so patient. I didn't mean to make a grand entrance. Blah blah, i'm honoured to have been health minister [let's hope it stays past-tense]. We have made the health system teh awesome. We've made the PBS fantastic (except for Bernie Banton, who can get fucked). Bashes the states. says they need better management not more money. But they will provide more money anyway, he promises. States will be compelled to add another layer of bureaucracy to collect yet more data about what they're doing. Also the old chestnut about health boards, with yet more bureaucrats. (Carefully avoids saying what's gonna happen once the new boards have 'uncovered' problems at the hospital- presumably blame the states). Starts to sound hoarse. Only the government has a credible plan, Labor are addicted to breaucracy (despite having just been trumpeting plans to create 2 new breaucracies). Blames states again. Booga booga. blathers on, someone claps but aborts (haha).

Qn, The Age: (To Nicola Roxon) You've backed away from banning junk food advertising to kids etc. How much control do you really have?

Roxon: I'm a mum, I know the effect advertising can have on kids. We're waiting for the ACMA review on advertising. Extends further than just TV advertising. Says they'll look at things in a responsible way and they'll follow ACMA reviews. talks about how they're going to support teaching kids about food etc. Says she and Rudd have a good working relationship on the issue.

Abbott: Roxon has been overruled by Rudd (attacks Labor for backing down on the ban, then proceeds to reaffirm his own opposition to a ban). It's the parents' responsibility to protect their kids from multi-billion dollar advertising campaigns.

Rhianna King, the West Australian: You backflipped on letting all hospitals be run by local boards and used evasive language to say which hospitals would actually get them.

Abbott: The buck won't stop with Kevin Rudd. The buck should stop with someone. Just not us. So we'll have local boards and blame them instead.

Roxon: Abbott has no clear plan for local boards. We spent a lot of time talking about the Mersey hospital fuck up. The Howard government has been struggling with AWAs etc. in the Mersey.

Clinton Porteus, Courier Mail: You're late, you've blundered again. Why couldn't you turn up on time?

Abbott: My campaign launch was more important.

Roxon: The government is out of touch and arrogant. Abbot wouldn't even bother planning on being places on time.

Michelle Grattan: You supported the Federal government taking over the health system. Now you no longer believe in it. Could you take us through your thought processes in your backflip?

Abbott: I always thought that the local village idiot should be running local hospitals. We're not retreating, we're attacking in a different direction.

Roxon: it's just going to be another level of bureaucracy.

Mark Merrill, SMH: John Howard said we should be proud Medicare is fair. It really isn't- it's better for rich people because of your policies. You lie?

Abbott: No, I'm not. The Safety Net is good. We've done enough. It's all the states fault. They can like our deal or lump it.

Roxon: If Howard gets back in it'll be take it or leave it instead of negotiation with the states. No partnership, no reform.

Laura Tingle: Health care agreements- are you just going to hand over money to the states? Cherry pick hospitals? Will you have extra conditions etc?

Abbott: We want to deliver the best healthcare. We're so not interested about putting hospital workers on AWAs. (Flounders desperately on the detail of his hospital board policy).

Roxon: Tony lies. He issued a public service determination to say the Mersey hospital workers wouldn't be on AWAs. Why won't he reassure workers now?

(closing statements)

Abbott: Judge this government by its record and its promises. Judge our sincerity etc. We are awesome. Good managers. We've made everything better now than it was 11 years ago when Keating had just thought it up. We'll end the blame game by starting a new one.

Roxon: You have a choice. An old government with a dodgy record, 65% of the country in workforce shortage, 1/3 of people avoid healthcare because they can't afford it [like me- I need to get my wisdom teeth out and can't afford it]. They only have a plan to force nurses on AWAs and a crappy record. We have a clear vision for the future etc. The future. Mums and dads. The buck stops with us. A real plan, not an election plan. We'll invest etc.

fin

Swan Costello Slapfight

Almost forgot this was on... the joys of being a student

Missed the first half hour- didn't miss much.

Long rambling question from some Government Gazette git. Karen Middleton is half asleep, don't blame her. Basically it's: what are you gonna do re: work choices?

Swan: Our system doesn't rape you up the ass... as hard.

Wormy: (doesn't really care).

Swan: blah blah productivity etc.

Costello: we've struck the right balance with WorkChoices!

(audible clunk as wormy hits the floor).

Costello: Booga booga unions, booga booga inflation. (Wormy's interest is at record lows). Back to banging on about unions, booga booga etc.

Middleton: Eden Monaro voters want spending on health etc, not tax cuts. Will you reconsider your tax cuts because a bunch of lying greedy hypocrites claim they don't want tax cuts?

Swan: No. We can have our cake and eat it too. We're endin the blame game, education revolution etc.

Wormy: Oh Wayne!

Costello: Economic future, build capacity, we will deliver it (Captain Smirk isn't doing it for wormy). Bangs on about the 1993 election and how Labor took back tax cuts 13 years ago.

Wormy: 13 years ago? I was barely legal then!

Qn (?): blah blah, debt truck, what happened with that whole debt thing? It's a bit big no?

Costello: (insert lame joke- wormy doesn't get it). We have no responsibility for the national debt (!) it's the states' fault, except for when it's good.

Wormy: jesus, I don't care.

Costello: Ok, well things are going so well we need to be in massive debt!

Wormy: Ecomanomics I know it!

Swan: Our debt is terrible, the mining boom is saving our asses.

Wormy: Oooh you make current account deficits sound sexy, Wayne!

Swan: We should be doing better and making our exports better! Blah blah, long term, the future etc. (wormy likes).

Levy, Telecrap: Leadership speculation. Tell voters what the 3 main differences will be between your govt. and a Howard govt.

Costello: Lame joke, massive smirk.

Wormy: (looks around for a paper bag).

Costello: We are a team, we make Australia strong like bull!

Wormy: (puts bag on costello's head, draws bushy eyebrows on it).

Costello: We've had our differences and we want to continue to do it. I will be exactly like john howard. Kevin Rudd me too etc. You won't have us to kick around!

Swan: Costello will rape you with uber WorkChoices, it'll be only minimum wage left!

Wormy: you sound like Kevin... I like him! They live in the past!

Coorey, smh: Why won't you fund the states? They have to resort to gambling and hookers!

Swan: We're not changing anything but the government has starved the states and played a blame game and haven't spent on infrastructure! End the blame game!

Worm: yeah, don't play games with my heart, Johnny!

Costello: We work very hard, the states have it so good!

Wormy: meh.

Costello: Labor will change the allocations! Blah blah econo-speak

Wormy: That sounded clever!

Costello: (passes the buck to the states).

Wormy: meh.

Costello: Booga booga wall to wall Labor!

Wright, The West Australian: your tax cuts are increasing inflationay pressure!! Look at NZ example. What are you doing about it?

Costello: NZ is a different country, except for being just like us.

Wormy: ???

Costello: (starts spruiking tax plan, complete with rudd-esque rhetorical questions).

Wormy: I like money!

Costello: (blathers on about how awesome he is).

Swan: Our tax cuts are staged. we need to account for the aging of the population and give people more money to vote for us! wormy: I like money!

Chick from Dow Jones: How will you make the Reserve Bank board independent?

Swan: We won't have any fundraisers on the board

Costello: (smirks) The ACTU give you money.

Qn: Do you believe the polls where lying liars say they want spending on hospitals?

Swan: No.

Costello: No. (smirks)

Wormy: They really understand my depth and value as a human being!

Clinton Porteus, Courier Mail: No one thinks you'll make a good treasurer, Swannie. Costello, you lied about interest rates. Why should we trust you?

Swan: Silly question. I have experience- I'll have more than Costello did when he started. I've talked to real people instead of smirking at pythons.

Wormy: I like him, he gets me!

Costello: Booga booga- I'm safe, he isn't. There could be danger, danger!!! Around the corner!! Bbooga booga!

Wormy: you're scary....

Andrew Green, ch 7: Has the treasury advised you if Aussie families have never been better off? And what will be different about your government, Swan?

Costello: (Dodges the question- basically admits that 'you've never been better off' came out of his ass).

Wormy: you bastard!

Swan: Rate rises, we'll start a war- no, a jihad on inflation! Costello doesn't even think there's a housing crisis!

Wormy: I'm doing it tough yo!

Swan: We look out for you, the little guy and we'll make sure that kitten prices are kept within the reach of the average allowance for a 9 year old girl!

Wormy: oooh!

Michelle Grattan: (rambling question about promises).

Costello: we always keep our promises...

Wormy: hmmm....

Costello: I'm passionate! Like rudd, see? Passion! Passionate passionate passionate!

Wormy: Ew, put your passion away.

Swan: Haha they r liars!

Wormy: lolz.

(closing statements)

Costello: I've learned life lessons handing out tax cuts. Booga booga, we're a safe pair of hands! (waves hands) Technical colleges, blah blah etc. The economy is the only important thing in the world! I can cure cancer with my economy [I shit you not he actually said words to that effect].

Wormy: wha? Still, I like you better than Howard.

Costello: (steals rudd's 'passion', coins hokey “large ambitions for a large country”).

Swan: The economy is the most important thing in the universe! It will edumacate the kids and fix the hospitals. Howard government is asleep at the wheel. (Mentions helping poor people!) The government doesn't understand you. They want to buy your vote. They suddenly care about education. Education is a core Labor value.

Wormy: mmm education...

Swan: The future, I'll invite myself to your dinners to listen to your problems and I'll end the blame game. I will build the eonomy!!!

Cut to Ray Martin ("I'm Ray Martin!). Audience wakes up and sleepily rubs eyes. Ray Martin plugs phone poll (for stupid people with lots of money, always goes Liberal).

Now what?

Posted by the piping shrike at Monday, October 22, 2007

The debate looks as though it could be the circuit breaker - for Rudd. It is not so much that his performance last night was exceptional, rather that Howard threw all he had and nothing much happened. It is a sign how the government has been living in a one-sided debate bubble that Howard thought the first question he could ask was about Rudd not bringing up climate change with George Bush!

Full post at The Piping Shrike

Debate stuff

Note: I'll update this as I find more posts on the debate - be sure to check in periodically. My summary can be found here.


The Editor did some liveblogging over at Grods. Way better than mine. Check it out.

Gam did great stuff (see below) too. Sarah has summed the debate up nicely.

Ah, Mikey. Can expect good stuff there. Also has comment on the worm.

typingisnotactivism on Howard's fuck you to the aboriginal community.

UPDATE (these are ones I found this morning before work, only got a chance to put them up now):

Duckpond debate post. Top stuff

Club Troppo's brief summary and analysis

Peter Martin's blunt comments on Howard's economics

2007 Debate Live Blog

Mmmmmoooooore

Howard killed the feed because 9 had the worm. He'll be monstered in the press tomorrow. I can't clean this mess up. My hands are about to drop off. Sarah will fix it. This is a draft. God...

Rudd speaks first, worm in paroxsyms of orgiastic pleasure, reaching for the skies. Only drops when he starts in with the Peter Costello crap.

Howard's turn. Worm hits rock bottom and starts to dig. He also takes too long talking.

Question time.

Howard says he's awesome and keeps banging on about it's not all about the economic boom

Rudd responds. Why haven't we invested our wealth wisely? Wormy like. Oh wormy like. Who's your daddy Mr worm?

Qn: Rudd, you copy Howard, why should we throw him out?

Rudd: I'm an economic conservative.

Worm: I don't give a fuck, get back down there and keep hitting that spot. Oh yeah, that's it. More future. Wormy like. Oh, say climate change again.

Howard replies: You're not an economic conservative, you need to believe it!

Wormy: Meh.

Howard. Let me hit you with some Hansard... blah blah tax, blah blah voting.

Worm: meh.

Howard: Tarrifs?

Worm: nah.

Howard: OK. how about tax policy! Peter Costello.

Wormy: Do Not Want!


Qn: Howard leadership succession:

Howard: Peter will succeed me well into my next term. Here's some group love- Wormy, Me and Peter together. Alexander Downer!

(Worm throws up a little in its mouth. Still not breaking half way. Worm drops with every mention of Costello).

Rudd: Don't worry about the economy, I'm just like Howard. It's OK. Now, check this shit. Muthafuckin Howard as treasurer.

Wormy: Oh god! (Wormy goes weak at the knees).

Qn: Unions, Rudd, booga booga!

Rudd: Deflection. Howard has lawyers. Wormy hates lawyers. Also your team hates you. My team is diverse. James Hardie. Justice. Booya!

Howard: Lawyers are diverse. Union officials = teh bad. Wormy still hates lawyers. Especially short balding ones. Rudd smiles and takes some notes, winking at Wormy. Booga booga, wall to wall Labor governments.

Wormy: meh.

Qn, Alison: Economy's hot but how will you ease the squeeze? (Deja vu, anyone?)

Howard: I feel your pain.

Wormy: the fuck you do. OK, tax reform, Rudd copied.

Wormy:... tell me more...

Howard: Tax relief, here's some cash.

Wormy: I ain't no ho! Well maybe... keep talking. I feel flirty. Child care, education. etc.

Rudd: Tax, baby. I'm gonna take from the rich and be your sugar daddy.

Wormy: oh yeah!

Rudd: Tax rebates, school etc, tax rebates, costs of childcare etc.

Worm: Don't stop big Kev, don't stop!

Qn, Alison: Interest rates are coming, won't you make more interest rates hikes more likely?

Rudd: Don't you worry about that, baby. Education. Wormy: what did i ask you? Doesn't matter.

Qn: Will you say there will be no interest rate rises under a Rudd government?

Rudd: Howard was irresponsible to promise to keep interest rates at record lows. Wormy: hello sailor!

Howard: Monetary policy, debated surplus, help the reserve bank. Paul Keating.

Wormy: Who?

Howard: Reserve bank, independence. My interest rates are much better than Keating's.

Wormy: what does my ex have to do with it?

Qn: Apologise to home owners for interest rates.

Howard: Blah blah, no. Would I lie to you? Wormy: yes. Keating blah blah.

Qn, Paul Kelly: Interest rates, your $34 billion in tax cuts will increase them, Howard. Are you responsible for hiking rates? (this man works for gov. gazette?)

Howard: Interest rates, higher inflation. Surplus keeps interest rates low. Strong economy blah blah. I want to keep wages low.

Wormy: Wha? too much talking granddad.

Howard: (sweats).

Paul Kelly: scent of a wounded stag in his nostrils.

Howard's voice cracks. Wormy, why do you no wanna pay for me no mo?

Rudd: Hey baby, Let my hit you with more Howard as treasurer- You fucked up mate. I'm honest. Labor made mistakes in the past, I cop to them. You don't. I'm so honest, I'll only love you baby.

Wormy: Ruddy, don't stop talking lover. Rudd: Plan, education revolution.

Qn: Govt. gazette: You copy govt. you copy, tax revolution not education.

Rudd: We have a plan, for trades in secondary schools, kids education, numeracy. Kid's education, revolution.

Wormy: I still happy.

Rudd: Howard is going in the wrong direction, I take from the rich and give to the hospitals. Wormy like.

Howard: (losing it) HECS! OECD! Yells at Rudd and waves a finger. Wormy: settle down!

Qn, Laurie Oakes: The unions support you, won't you owe them and feed voters' kids to the ACTU?

Rudd: Don't worry about that baby, I'm flexible. I can do you any way you like. Don't worry, I'll bash the unions too. And baby, don't be sacred of the unions, they were there when good things happened with Hawke Keating. They cleaned up after granddad. (Libs in the audience are getting antsy and have to be told to shut up by the mediator). Howard's being slaugtered.

Howard: Booga booga, unions, no one is in a union so 70% is ridiculous. Internal labor politics. Former trade union officials.

Wormy: Meh.

Qn, Oakes: You have more IR plans in store don't you Howard? How do I know you won't rape me?

Howard: Don't worry, would I fuck you in the ass?

Wormy: (backs up against the wall and refuses to move).

Howard: come on baby, it's for the economy, I'll use lube.

Wormy: No!

Howard: It'll stop strikes!

Wormy: I don't know...

Howard: Workchoices is good for you! (Howard blathers on and on as he has for every question. Wormy falls asleep).

Qn, Oakes: You're lying aren't you? You hid IR legislation going into the last election and lied to voters, saying you had no plans for a uniform national IR system! Why would we believe you going into this election?

Howard: It was for your own good!

Wormy: You bastard! (dives down).

Howard: You'll get paid well if you take it up the ass!

Wormy: Really? I mean, No!!!

Howard: blathers on (and on and on) again.

Rudd: Good to get a word in! Howard's a liar! Interest rates, broken promises. He lied about Workchoices till you grabbed the the senate and tried to fuck wormy. Peter Costello will screw you too! And I won't fuck you in the ass. Look how many other people he's screwed? You can't trust him.

Wormy: mmmm... I like you.

Qn: Peter Hartcher. You want to cut greenhouse gases. How will you have progress markers?

Rudd: I'm good on climate change baby, my pad has aircon, Howard's got a sweaty tin shack. Targets, blah bah benchmarks. MY aircon's been installed by real experts!

Wormy:... nice...

Rudd: Howard and co. didn't want aircon, come to my place.

Qn: what would you actually reduce?

Rudd: Kyoto, blah blah. Wormy:... talk to me about the future some more honey... Rudd: The future. Worm: Ahhhh.

Qn: Paul Kelly: Targets, you need them.

Rudd, we already got them. The future. Wormy: that's the spot.

Howard: I believe in global warming blah blah, no targets though. We have a plan to upgrade the tin shack baby! Come back!

Wormy: Meh.

Howard: Blather blather. Cleaner coal. (cleaner coal?!)

Qn, Hartcher: Your fake Kyoto is a fake, Bush won't be bound by any targets.

Howard: I can tell Bush to join! Bush always does what I tell him!

Worm: I don't want to party with him!

Howard: It's ok baby i can control him.

Wormy: OK.... tell me more...

Rudd: China is critical. They won't act internationally because we won't sign Kyoto, I have morals and I'm thinking about babies, with you honey.

Wormy: Oh Kruddy!

Rudd: clean coal (wtf)? hybrids, renewable energy etc. Howard isn't comitted to climate change. He just wants to get in your pants. To put in his nuke reactor.

Wormy: OMG!

QN: Hartcher, Howard can you control Bush?

Howard: I can control Bush.

Wormy: the fuck you can. *plummets*

Howard: Baby I was a statesman at APEC.

Wormy: I still don't want to play with him!!

QN, Chris Ulman: Has terrorism gone up since Iraq?

Howard: No.

Wormy: I don't believe you. Oh wait, I do, I remember why I let you fuck me now...

Qn: Iraq is a terrorist training camp.

Howard: Al Qaeda is in retreat, I won't answer your question.

Rudd: Howard won't answer the question. British intelligence told us we'd be more at risk. Howard didn't listen baby. Iraq is a fuck up, worse than 'nam. More terrorists baby, he a bad man! Mick Keelty got monstered for telling the truth. I'm a tough man, string up the Tangos. But I also have a soft side, pay people to stop blowing shit up.

Qn: Will you withdraw all troops?

Rudd. All combat troops out. Staged withdrawal, baby. Everyone else will probably stay.

Howard: (knocks over his mike) I won't withdraw. Rudd has to withdraw all or nothing. I might withdraw them, they'll be doing training, don't worry.

Wormy: You're not Rudd!

Howard: I'll ask the yanks to let us leave.

Qn: Rudd, you do lots of 'me too'. What do you stand on?

Rudd: I'm strong on Iraq. I make pragmatic choices. I only protect Aussies from the death penalty. I don't intervene on the terrorists' side. I believe in the future.

Wormy: Don't stop Kruddy! Don't stop!

Rudd: the future, passion, core elements.

Qn: Reconciliation. Why won't you say sorry?

Howard: I'm sorry people were badly treated in the past. I have nothing to apologise for.

Wormy: I don't really like abos...

Howard: I'm your man, me and Mal Brough. And Downer.

Wormy: don't like Downer.

Howard: I'm going to send in more troops. I won't make a symbolic apology. Blathers on too long.

Rudd: We want to protect the little kids, it was terrible so we backed Howard, for the kids. (Wormy like). (Rudd Faces howard. Talks about respect and building bridges) . I like babies.

Wormy: Ooh Kruddy, build my bridge!

Rudd asks: IR, redundancies. Is it possible that you can lose redundancy pay?

Howard: No, you need fair compensation.

Worm: I could lose what??

Howard asks: If you believe in climate change why didn't you spend longer talking to Bush.

Rudd: He said don't talk about it. Bush wouldn't change his mind so I ditched him. I'm the man for the future, you slept for 11 years. *Bashes bush) You didn't talk to him at all. (Wormy orgasms).

Rudd qn: Iraq: Why should we believe you when you say you wouldn't send in more troops? It's like interest rates and Workchoices. You said before the last election that you had no plans to send in troops, then immediately after the election you doubled the number of Australian troops in Iraq,

Howard: You believe me right?

Wormy: no.

Howard: (waves the flag accuses Rudd of politicising the armed forces- haha) We'll beg the allies to let us leave. I'm good at begging.

Wormy. You smell like old man.

Howard: (blathers some more) What about making Bush look good?

Wormy: Fuck him.

Howard: You've talked about pricing and interest rates. Can you guarantee things like I do?

Rudd: We said we can do things to help, not say you've never had it so good.

Wormy: likes.

Rudd: Taxes, rebates etc. (Worm likes even more).

Rudd: I'm gonna investigate the petrol prices with our commissioner!

Wormy: Mmmmm petrol.

Rudd closing: I'm a kid from QLD. A kid with a plan, baby, it's gotta mean something. Feelings, and the future, baby, and passion and revolutions and broadband. And I'm all about the bush!

Wormy (creams its pants).

Howard: (Sounds tired, almost asleep) Beware of the promises, I have money. Big piles of money. I've been around a long time. A patchy plan on education, other than restarting the culture wars. We are heroic and lets be proud of ourselves (steals education revolution idea).


P.S. Annabel Crabb is a bobblehead.

McClelland Fucks Up

I'm trying not to fuck it up, but some people really aren't helping...

Robert McClelland, a man who's been a front bencher for nearly ten years, recently decided Kevin was having it a bit too easy and decided to attack John Howard. The problem with this is that Robert chose to attack Howard's strongest point, uphill.

Let's face facts. We need Rudd to remove the Liberal majority. This is the primary goal at this election. McClelland has had several opportunities to break ranks and make principled statements on govt. hipocrisy re: human rights. the 2001 election and the Pacific solution come to mind. Why now, on the anniversary of the single biggest issue that cost Labor the last election, would he choose to make noises on the issue?

Yes he's just stating Labor party policy but he's a fucking idiot to do it now. The death penalty wasn't an election issue. Now it's an issue that will only hurt Labor. The sections of the electorate Labor needs to win the election are not exactly known for their principled stands on human rights. He may as well have come out and said he wanted Osama to have a fair trial. Now the media have the sort of silly he said she said bullshit issue they love to keep going and the govt., with a desperation born of impending doom are pounding away at the issue, lying away about Labor supporting Bali bombers. If anything the govt.'s hysterical, overblown reaction might minimise the damage.

If Rudd hasn't issued an order to party members to shut their yaps, he's an idiot. When you're in government you can make all the quixotic statements you want. Until then, shut up and do what it takes. I don't buy the argument that Rudd's leaning towards the dark side. Would you rather have a principled opposition wandering the political wilderness while we get 3 more years of a bigger liberal majority? No? Didn't think so. It's not as if anyone is under the delusion that Howard would ever be more likely than Rudd to allow his ministers to listen to their consciences.

This post seemed to piss people off so I've reproduced it here. Flame away lurkers!

Flashy But Lacking Substance

It's a federal election, not a gorilla fight

FEDERAL Labor is demanding a series of three debates between the leaders during the election campaign - including one using YouTube and one on the ABC - as it tries to goad the Government into naming an election date.

[silly speculation and beat-ups about leadership changes removed]

Yesterday Labor continued to tease the Government with its eagerness for an election campaign. Labor's national secretary, Tim Gartrell, emailed the federal director of the Liberal Party, Brian Loughnane, outlining requests for at least three debates between the leaders during the campaign.

Mr Gartrell wants one to be on the ABC, one to involve online participation via YouTube, and one to have a live "in the round" audience - with all webcast live.

"Given the impending 2007 federal election, I have been asked to commence immediate discussions with you over the televised leaders' debates," Mr Gartrell said in a letter to Mr Loughnane.

SMH

What's the point of debates if we can't ask the questions? They'll just do what they did last time. You'll get two candidates, because there aren't any other parties or candidates, and some washed up has-been from daytime TV will ask them soft questions on ridiculous issues that have relationship with actual peoples' lives. At the end, one of them will be declared maximum winner and the country will go and vote for someone else anyway. All completely pointless. Also, why throw in YouTube? Who wants to watch that for 2 hours?

It smacks of a US style presidential campaign with all the inherent faults. Our system isn't about a supreme leader, nor is the next election about exchanging one maximum leader for another. If someone complains about one man being an overly powerful extremist how does it follow that the solution must be to hand someone else the same corrupting total power the other bloke had? That's something that worries me and it's something that is a consequence of the past few years. It's sort of aussie style personality cult revolving around our leaders when our political system isn't designed like that. Of course the media love this silly mano a mano stuff that cheapens political discourse and gets them ratings. Personally I don't want to wind up living in a country where whoever bangs a stick on the ground loudest gets to lead.