Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Swan Costello Slapfight

Almost forgot this was on... the joys of being a student

Missed the first half hour- didn't miss much.

Long rambling question from some Government Gazette git. Karen Middleton is half asleep, don't blame her. Basically it's: what are you gonna do re: work choices?

Swan: Our system doesn't rape you up the ass... as hard.

Wormy: (doesn't really care).

Swan: blah blah productivity etc.

Costello: we've struck the right balance with WorkChoices!

(audible clunk as wormy hits the floor).

Costello: Booga booga unions, booga booga inflation. (Wormy's interest is at record lows). Back to banging on about unions, booga booga etc.

Middleton: Eden Monaro voters want spending on health etc, not tax cuts. Will you reconsider your tax cuts because a bunch of lying greedy hypocrites claim they don't want tax cuts?

Swan: No. We can have our cake and eat it too. We're endin the blame game, education revolution etc.

Wormy: Oh Wayne!

Costello: Economic future, build capacity, we will deliver it (Captain Smirk isn't doing it for wormy). Bangs on about the 1993 election and how Labor took back tax cuts 13 years ago.

Wormy: 13 years ago? I was barely legal then!

Qn (?): blah blah, debt truck, what happened with that whole debt thing? It's a bit big no?

Costello: (insert lame joke- wormy doesn't get it). We have no responsibility for the national debt (!) it's the states' fault, except for when it's good.

Wormy: jesus, I don't care.

Costello: Ok, well things are going so well we need to be in massive debt!

Wormy: Ecomanomics I know it!

Swan: Our debt is terrible, the mining boom is saving our asses.

Wormy: Oooh you make current account deficits sound sexy, Wayne!

Swan: We should be doing better and making our exports better! Blah blah, long term, the future etc. (wormy likes).

Levy, Telecrap: Leadership speculation. Tell voters what the 3 main differences will be between your govt. and a Howard govt.

Costello: Lame joke, massive smirk.

Wormy: (looks around for a paper bag).

Costello: We are a team, we make Australia strong like bull!

Wormy: (puts bag on costello's head, draws bushy eyebrows on it).

Costello: We've had our differences and we want to continue to do it. I will be exactly like john howard. Kevin Rudd me too etc. You won't have us to kick around!

Swan: Costello will rape you with uber WorkChoices, it'll be only minimum wage left!

Wormy: you sound like Kevin... I like him! They live in the past!

Coorey, smh: Why won't you fund the states? They have to resort to gambling and hookers!

Swan: We're not changing anything but the government has starved the states and played a blame game and haven't spent on infrastructure! End the blame game!

Worm: yeah, don't play games with my heart, Johnny!

Costello: We work very hard, the states have it so good!

Wormy: meh.

Costello: Labor will change the allocations! Blah blah econo-speak

Wormy: That sounded clever!

Costello: (passes the buck to the states).

Wormy: meh.

Costello: Booga booga wall to wall Labor!

Wright, The West Australian: your tax cuts are increasing inflationay pressure!! Look at NZ example. What are you doing about it?

Costello: NZ is a different country, except for being just like us.

Wormy: ???

Costello: (starts spruiking tax plan, complete with rudd-esque rhetorical questions).

Wormy: I like money!

Costello: (blathers on about how awesome he is).

Swan: Our tax cuts are staged. we need to account for the aging of the population and give people more money to vote for us! wormy: I like money!

Chick from Dow Jones: How will you make the Reserve Bank board independent?

Swan: We won't have any fundraisers on the board

Costello: (smirks) The ACTU give you money.

Qn: Do you believe the polls where lying liars say they want spending on hospitals?

Swan: No.

Costello: No. (smirks)

Wormy: They really understand my depth and value as a human being!

Clinton Porteus, Courier Mail: No one thinks you'll make a good treasurer, Swannie. Costello, you lied about interest rates. Why should we trust you?

Swan: Silly question. I have experience- I'll have more than Costello did when he started. I've talked to real people instead of smirking at pythons.

Wormy: I like him, he gets me!

Costello: Booga booga- I'm safe, he isn't. There could be danger, danger!!! Around the corner!! Bbooga booga!

Wormy: you're scary....

Andrew Green, ch 7: Has the treasury advised you if Aussie families have never been better off? And what will be different about your government, Swan?

Costello: (Dodges the question- basically admits that 'you've never been better off' came out of his ass).

Wormy: you bastard!

Swan: Rate rises, we'll start a war- no, a jihad on inflation! Costello doesn't even think there's a housing crisis!

Wormy: I'm doing it tough yo!

Swan: We look out for you, the little guy and we'll make sure that kitten prices are kept within the reach of the average allowance for a 9 year old girl!

Wormy: oooh!

Michelle Grattan: (rambling question about promises).

Costello: we always keep our promises...

Wormy: hmmm....

Costello: I'm passionate! Like rudd, see? Passion! Passionate passionate passionate!

Wormy: Ew, put your passion away.

Swan: Haha they r liars!

Wormy: lolz.

(closing statements)

Costello: I've learned life lessons handing out tax cuts. Booga booga, we're a safe pair of hands! (waves hands) Technical colleges, blah blah etc. The economy is the only important thing in the world! I can cure cancer with my economy [I shit you not he actually said words to that effect].

Wormy: wha? Still, I like you better than Howard.

Costello: (steals rudd's 'passion', coins hokey “large ambitions for a large country”).

Swan: The economy is the most important thing in the universe! It will edumacate the kids and fix the hospitals. Howard government is asleep at the wheel. (Mentions helping poor people!) The government doesn't understand you. They want to buy your vote. They suddenly care about education. Education is a core Labor value.

Wormy: mmm education...

Swan: The future, I'll invite myself to your dinners to listen to your problems and I'll end the blame game. I will build the eonomy!!!

Cut to Ray Martin ("I'm Ray Martin!). Audience wakes up and sleepily rubs eyes. Ray Martin plugs phone poll (for stupid people with lots of money, always goes Liberal).