Thursday, November 29, 2007

John Howard is at Stage One

John Howard comes to terms with his role in the Liberal party's loss

Dr. Hibbert: Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial.
Homer: No way! Because I'm not dying!
Dr. Hibbert: The second is anger.
Homer: Why you little!
Dr. Hibbert: After that comes fear.
Homer: What's after fear? What's after fear?
Dr. Hibbert: Bargaining.
Homer: Doc, you gotta get me out of this! I'll make it worth your while!
Dr. Hibbert: Finally, acceptance.
Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime.
Dr. Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me.

Tony Abbott, Liberal party people skills coach and public relations manager, was on Lateline this evening. According to him, Howard has convinced himself that the election defeat wasn't his fault. Although, the defeat was half Peter Costello's fault. Whomever is responsible for the other half was left as an exercise for the listener. Also Malcolm Turnbull, who arrived at Howard's last supper at the back gate, changing the Liberal party into the Democrats is totally going to work. OMFG Malcolm watch out... you're a plucky historian but there's a crazed albino Catholic monk right. behind. you. Pausing only to adjust his cilice, Tony informed us that Costello had eaten many meals at the Lodge in Canberra (presumably in the servants quarters) and that he hadn't had a 'foursome' (as god is my witness, the transcript shall not prove me a liar) with Tanya, Janette and John. Whatever vomiting while laughing sounds like, I made that noise. He went on to inform us that he would totally get in on that action. I wish I was lying. Costello is rumoured to be writing a book. I'm sure he'll dedicate a whole chapter to Tony Abbot. As soon as I heard he'd be on Lateline I knew we'd be in for a spectacular performance.